


A Break In Routine

by gabi1994



Series: The Making of Men [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Child abuse/neglect, F/M, Kid Fic, Parent Death, Snape's Childhood, greif, mauderer era, school years
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-07
Updated: 2015-05-14
Packaged: 2018-03-16 16:26:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3495086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gabi1994/pseuds/gabi1994
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every family has a routine. What's normal, what's right, it gives a child that day to day security. It's those moments when routine is ripped away that shape the kind of man a child grows to be. Severus was hewn, a painful, arduous task of cutting away. Things lost and thrown away until there's very little left<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The boy had always been a bit small for his age. He was thin and his frame slight. His father told him he was scrawny looking, girly. He was staring determinedly out the window above his bed, he could see a slit of sky, a scattering of stars like chips of broken glass… they did not look friendly tonight. There were the long fingers of his old friend the thick hazel and blackthorn hedgerow made a spiny lower border for the view from small, upstairs window.

He flinched as a snippet of the argument downstairs raised above its steady unintelligible mutter.

“Don’t you tell me—”

It was his da shouting, the low rumble was familiar, but no less unsettling as it drifted up through the vents into his little upstairs bedroom. He felt his stomach twist uncomfortably as his mother’s higher quicker pitch made a retort. It was not like this every night… usually only two or three times a week, more often as of late. He didn’t like it. It made him feel queasy, like he would be sick… it was a break in routine, even they had a routine. Friday nights, all through the weekend and usually Wednesday his father came home too drunk to do more than fall into bed, that meant they only argued Mondays, usually about how much he’d spent drinking or Fridays and Thursdays about the fact he would be going out drinking.

As usual, they were speaking at such a volume that his mind could trick itself into putting words to the cadence of the sound… but listening harder he knew he was imagining half of what he heard.

Still, the disquieting scraps drifted upward and washed over his ears a dull roar of sound, his gut tightened uncomfortably.

“The boy—” his father, the deep timbre at its usual roar.

“TOBIAS—”

Severus shuddered. His mother never raised her voice. Her customary low, soothing murmur was raised to a piercing shriek of disdain that made him curl instinctively into a ball. His warm, scratchy woolens were cocooned tightly around his body, despite the heat of the summer night oozing in over the open sill. The worn fibers did little to hamper the adult voices below.

“Hogwash! The lot of it!”

“—going, no matter what you say.”

“Head of—” Severus heard a distinct thump and hoped it was his father knocking another dent in their thin grey drywall, and not the alternative, “He’ll do what I say he’ll do.”

“NO!” again, that furious screech, he clapped both small hands over his ears staring blindly out over the night haze of hedgerows and leaning, dilapidated homes and broken stars in a grey clouded sky.

His back ached from his curled position, but he dared not move… it seemed more secure somehow… as if he were protected this way from the horrible things being said below.

Only… only he really wasn’t. He felt sick. Every word was like cold, sharp stone settling on his belly, pressing in past his skin prickling at his stomach. They were fighting over him. It was awful. They fought enough, why should they have to fight over him too?

He vowed to be better tomorrow. Tomorrow he wouldn’t run or play too loud and disturb mother. He would help her with dinner and clean up the yard. He would stay quiet when father got home. It felt like a drinking night, so he would just have to stay out of the way for an hour or so… maybe he would go to the park. Da didn’t like him to be around for dinner. He ate after, mum kept a plate for him in the oven.

He’d messed up today. He’d only been trying to help. Mum was still trying to plate up dinner and the table was still dirty from lunch… he’d heard da at the door… early, too early.

He only wanted to help… but the table was too high for him to reach, he was small for his age, five and he couldn’t see over the table top… he wouldn’t have broken a single dish if da hadn’t gotten him by the ear… one of the plates he’d been hovering over to the sink had shattered.

Now the hot ache of his rear end from da’s belt was nothing to the roiling nausea in his gut. He would be good tomorrow.

He heard his father bellow something unintelligible before there was a crash… it was really quiet after that and Severus stuffed his pillow between his teeth to muffle his sobs. Mum didn’t need to be worrying about him to.

He would be good tomorrow.

* * *

He shivered, it was cold out. He could feel the snap of frost on his pale cheeks as the sun went down and his breath was warm fog over his frozen nose and blued lips.

The downstairs light was still on. If he went in before father stumbled to bed, he would get the belt. Even if he didn’t do anything more than toe off his shoes and sneak upstairs. He waved his hand impatiently warming the air around him minutely as he huddled down against the thorny hedge. He was getting too big to fit up under the hedge without getting scratches all along the back of his neck and arms… if he ripped his shirt he’d get a hiding…

He was getting good at fixing the little tears. A bit of cob webbing if the tear was big and he could snap his fingers to make it all back to cotton. It probably wouldn’t be a problem.

As the chill of night grew on he waited staring at the wavering gas light. After what seemed ages, and his toes had become numb, it flickered on, then off, then on again. Unfolding from his tight space beneath the blackthorn he muffled a groan as his knees and shoulders and back protested moving after perhaps an hour’s stillness.

The routine was fine… except that it was getting darker and colder earlier every evening, and father returning home later. He suspected a less hardy child than he would have died of pneumonia by now. He was also beginning to suspect that this might be the intention.

He opened the door soundlessly and eased into the narrow atrium toeing cold leather off his feet and padding in woolen socks wearing thin over the soles and toes into the dim kitchen. Mum was sitting at the table. Across from her, in its usual place was his plate.

The woman looked old, her cheeks tight and pinched. Her inky black hair was graying at the temples and a few peppered strands had escaped the low bun and lay clinging to her cheeks, like old spider webs to bone. She smiled, but it only emphasized her skeletal thinness.

Sliding into his seat Severus silently set about his meal. His motions were mechanical, and he barely stopped to chew the steamed carrots and boiled potatoes. Mum would worry if he neglected his veggies. He ate about half of the slice of meatloaf before setting his fork aside and sliding the plate across the table toward the skeletal woman who shared his hair, eyes, and eggshell pale skin.

“I’m full, mum, sorry. Will you finish?” he asked.

She smiled faintly, “Severus, a growing boy needs to eat.”

He scrunched up his nose, “I ate the veggies like you like.”

She sighed, “Alright, you go on up to bed.”

The child was gaunt, older than seven but younger than ten, growing too fast, flesh stretched taunt over long limbs and gawky joints, his teens would be an awkward time. He rose from his seat just as silently as he had come. He dropped a dry peck on his mother’s upturned cheek, the skin cool and papery feeling to his lips and tiptoed on worn wool clad feet to the stairs. He waited at the bottom until his mother began to absently finish off the meatloaf on his plate.

She’d been raised a Catholic. She absolutely could not leave food on a plate. But lately, she was always too nervous to eat otherwise. The neighbor ladies whispered in voices just a little too loud, strange, meaningless words like “nervous tension” and “depression”. Severus didn’t like those words. He had a better one, fear.

* * *

He’d met a girl at the park today. She had the most brilliant red hair. It was lovely and bright. Much lovelier than other red things, like blood on whiskey bottle glass, and hedgerow thorns, it was cleaner than most other red things, like mum’s old scarf and the ball he vaguely remembered playing catch with his Father with once, when he was very small.

She was nice.

Maybe, tomorrow she would stay at the park late and he would have somebody to play with while he waited for Father to pass out.

That would be a nice break in the routine.

* * *

He’d showed the red girl, Lily. He’d showed her one of his little tricks.

Oh, how scared he’d been. Father got so angry to see such “devil’s tricks” but the Lily liked them. Lily smiled and laughed and it sounded even lovelier than her cardinal hair looked. He’d showed her a floating ring of daisies and sugar maple helicopters that never stopped spinning. He’d made her smile.

It was even better when she’d showed him a cloud of dandelion fluff that made shapes. She’d made a bunny rabbit, a kitten, and a chick. The chick had made cheeping noises, it made him laugh.

It had taken a long time for him to be able to do the same. It was easy to move one or two things, it was rather difficult to manipulate a whole cloud of dandelion seeds. He’d made a fish and a little fat mouse, for her kitten to eat. It made her laugh. He liked it when she laughed.

* * *

Severus had never seen his mum and father really fight till his letter came. He supposed father never really thought it was going to happen. It was much easier to ignore your wife, when she made excuses for her demonic son, then a signed and sealed letter delivered by a great horned owl to your front porch.

He’d gotten the belt for no reason at all and been sent upstairs. Agitated he paced the worn carpet flooring listening to the shouting downstairs.

He preferred the shouting. It meant everyone was whole enough to shout. It was concerning when it got quiet. Quiet meant one of two things, father had passed out from the drink… or mum had. Severus was unsure what was worse, when the tension got to her and she fainted, or father lost his patience…

He shuddered as his mum shouted obscenities he’d never heard even father use.

He sunk down against the edge of his bed resting his head on the mattress. The smell of wool and mustiness had almost been banished by the greenness of summer. He closed his eyes. He couldn’t stand it.

Why did it make father so furious? It wasn’t an evil thing. Lily could do it too, and she wasn’t evil. Lily was nice. Apparently there was a whole school full of kids who did odd things like him. Wasn’t that a good thing? Then Severus wouldn’t need to be here, always underfoot, being seen and infuriating him.

If he weren’t here father and mum would have much less to argue about. If he weren’t here, mum wouldn’t worry about him, she wouldn’t have to stay up late for him to eat. She wouldn’t have to stand up to father for him and she wouldn’t get hurt.

He cringed as the argument rose to a crescendo pitch each word painfully clear.

His father’s roars, his mum screaming her rebuttal, more lively now than she has been in months.

He covered his ears and pulled his blanket over his head. It made little difference.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus's first year at hogwarts

Ch 2

He’d been nervous to have that big, shouting hat lowered over his head, but he hadn’t shown it. couldn’t show it, not with Lily having skipped up there so happily, now watching him with a bright cheery face, her red hair matching the clothing and tablecloths massed about her at the Gryffindor table.

Knowing little about the other three tables, one in green,  Slytherin, his mum had been Slytherin, she’d been very proud of it, the one time she mentioned it… One in blue, was that Ravenclaw, and then the bronze of Hufflepuff, he rather hoped he would be put with Lily.

Slowly the crinkled old leather hat was lowered over his head. It felt funny pressed in over his ears. Dimly he could hear the hat shouting, “Hmm… hmmm, curious…”

But far louder was the crackly old voice, of an old man murmuring seeming nonsense in his ear, “Ah, a smart one, smart enough for Ravenclaw, that’s assured, but not I think, interested for the sake of knowledge, no, no useless academia, or knowledge for the sake of learning for you. No you want to be strong and you are quick enough, talented enough that soon you will be. A brave boy, yes, no doubt, loyal too, to those who deserve your loyalty. But cold, and hardened to be so, and cautious, so young, you want to be strong, strong to protect those you love… well… hmmm, the fastest way to power, to the kind of strength you want is Slytherin. You know this well, you are growing, but still too small and untried in magic for might, but cunning you have and Slytherin will train you up. Yes, yes Slytherin will do nicely.”

The stray thought, “Lily’s in Gryffindor,” passed his thoughts, bringing the old doddering voice up short.

“Hmm… yes… Gryffindor, you could go there. You are brave enough, but it would be a waste of your cunning, a waste of your quickness, and it will take much longer for you to be strong like you desire. You are too solitary, too independent I think to be happy in Gryffindor… but in time, you would grow to be like them, like your friend, you might even become daring and headstrong, good Gryffindor qualities. But I still think Slytherin suits a mind such as yours best, though if you truly desire Gryffindor…”

Severus was stymied. He met Lily’s eyes across the hall. He wanted to be with Lily, but… mum… mum’s bright smile, the fire that had lit in her dark, well beloved eyes as she had dropped him off at the station, her bruising hug outside the platform, her soft fierce whisper  to work hard and grow big and strong. He had to be strong, and fast, he had to become someone who could protect mum. Someone his father would think twice about beating.

“So you have made your choice,” the hat mused.

“SLYTHERIN!” he heard shouted across the great hall, then the hat was lifted from his head as the green table clapped and cheered and the tall, bespectacled  witch behind him patted his shoulder in congratulations gesturing toward the green and silvered portion of the hall.

* * *

School taught Severus many things. Ever a quick child, in Slytherin he learned there were better ways to deal with larger meaner people, than curling up and taking it. He learned how to get his own back later, when they were least expecting it, and doing it in such as way as he was never bothered again. He learned that to be alone was alright, but to be isolated was vulnerable. He made… alliances with those most likely to make him strong.

It might be alright to bother little, nobody Severus Snape, but when it became known the Black sister’s liked him and Lucius Malfoy found him interesting, his hecklers, at least within Slytherin dropped like flies.

He understood how Slytherin worked. You didn’t necessarily need a name, though it helped to become strong, one merely had to be useful to those higher than you.

* * *

“You there!” the voice was imperious, even coming from a tall, thin, almost pretty boy… one of the Slytherin prefects Severus recognized.

The dark boy looked up from his book lifting his head to look up at the boy, standing over his chair, looming to great effect, mainly due to the two large boys maybe a year his senior flanking him.

A quick glance at the thugs, and a scan of the blonde revealed his identity, all the Slytherins knew of Malfoy. He was a young lord amongst his peers and knew it.

“Malfoy,” he hazarded to greet the older boy in a bland, but respectful tone.

“Hn, so you already know of me,” the other was flattered, it put Severus in his good graces, “I fear you have the best of me, as I do not know you, and I could have sworn I knew every child of the houses that sort Slytherin.”

Feeling, cornered in the armchair, Severus set aside his book rising and extending his hand to the other. Severus felt satisfaction stir, when youth took a step back, not instinctively not wanting to crowd, the small, seemingly harmless child.

“Severus Snape…”

“Lucius, I have not heard of the Snape family…” suddenly cold eyes scanned him in a calculating manner.

Unwilling to back down Severus smiled a thin smile, “You would not have, but my mother is a Prince, and surely you have heard of them,”

Even after barely a full week here, he knew not to openly admit to muggle parentage, not in Slytherin, not even only half wizarding parentage. So he left it open. Snape might be a foreign name, for no matter how small the wizarding community a boy of fifteen could not possibly know every name.

Immediately the hostility in the blonde’s stance evaporated and his two hulking companions shuffled back a step, perceiving their master’s intentions had turned friendly.

“Ah, a Prince then, wonderful family the Princes, good blood, powerful wizards. I confess I had been hearing interesting rumors about you, and I wished to make your acquaintance.”

Severus sniffed, putting on a disdainful air, “People talk, less than the half is true.”

The little lord laughed delightedly, the sound jarringly youthful and bright, in contrast to the inherent threat in the boy, “I like you, Severus. You’re smart. And I’d like to be acquainted with a boy who shredded less than half of a third year’s wardrobe for trying to put a puking potion into his pumpkin juice. Too bad it can just be charmed back.”

Briefly Severus thought about denying it, but decided that a bit of infamy couldn’t hurt, even if the prefect chose to punish him. He smirked, “No it can’t be.”

“Oho! You are good. I’d like to introduce you to some people if you’d allow me, Severus.”

Severus scanned the boy up and down, his bright black eyes flicking over the two flanking sixth years, this was a boy to become close to, he had power here, “I’d like that, Lucius.”

* * *

Severus liked Wednesday evenings. On Wednesdays Lily would meet him in the library, and they would catch up and study together. Lily was really good at potions and charms. Severus liked potions and defense against the dark arts, but charms went a bit over his head. Luckily, Lily couldn’t quite get the brute force type spells of DADA, thought it was too violent, so Severus would help her with those spells, in exchange for charms help.

Sometimes they would meet up early, early Saturday morning out on the green to practice spells. It was fun. Last week Lily almost managed a leg lock. His legs had been frozen from the knees down for about thirty seconds, before he could wiggle out. He on the other hand was trying to master a freezing charm. Lily could produce snowflakes from water flicked at her, and tap a goblet to get a solid block of ice.  He on the other hand was lucky if he could get a film of ice over the top of the water.

He didn’t like it. He could warm things up easy. He half didn’t need a wand, so long as he didn’t need anything boiling, but cold was hard. Things wanted to warm up, they didn’t want to be cold.

* * *

When Narcissa Black seated herself beside him on the small couch Severus was reading on he wasn’t terribly surprised. Since they had been introduced by the Lucius two months ago, Narcissa had taken a liking to him.

He supposed she was waiting about for Lucius and wanted company, therefore he didn’t bother to look up from the potions text he was trying to divine sense from.

“Severus, there’s something I feel we’ve neglected to explain to you,” the fourth year broached.

He looked up immediately, this was unusual behavior from the girl and he didn’t quite know what to expect.

“This isn’t something Lucius understands. He’s never been the underdog. Even as a first year he had Crabbe and Goyle watching his back when his name wasn’t enough,” the girl smiled indulgently, “Little lordling that he was.”

Her bluebird bright eyes refocused on him, “But you’re, like me,” she noticed his dark eyes narrowing and smiled gently, “Tut, tut, I don’t mean you’re feminine. This is something people like you have to know.”

Severus frowned slightly, “What would you know about being an underdog. You’re a Black, untouchable.”

Narcissa shook her head, “No, perhaps that’s the wrong word… Lucius doesn’t understand how to get his way when physical threat… and brute force don’t succeed. I, under my own power, have no ability to threaten any boy of my age. They know exactly the same hexes I do, but they are bigger,” she smiled teasingly at him poking him gently in the chest, “You are like me, puny.”

Severus kept his face perfectly bland, but the girl smiled triumphantly, she could see the cold fury in youthful black eyes. One day the boy would be a terror, but until he was big enough to back up that fury, he needed what she could teach him.

“You see, I’ve made you angry, but what will you do about it?” the  sharp girl leaned back against the arm rest studying the child on the other end, the book had been set aside, and the faintest flush of anger showed on his pale cheeks.

She tapped her chin thoughtfully, “Were I another first year boy, you’d jump across the couch and box my ears, but I’m a girl, and bigger than you. So, revenge later, but I’m dating Lucius, so you can’t leave something unpleasant in my bed, or hex one of my hair ribbons. You must control your temper. What. Will. You. Do.”

This brought the small boy up short. This wasn’t the usual teasing he reminded himself. This was a lesson, his hot anger cooled almost instantly and he tilted his head slightly at Narcissa, silently asking.

“Ah, you don’t know, you’ve spent too long with Lucius… His methods will work beautifully in most situations, practically all, once you’ve grown a bit. Until then, let me show you something.”

Standing from the couch she scanned the common room. It was fairly empty, only a few students were loitering about the clusters of seating.

“Rosier!” Narcissa called out motioning for the large Slytherin beater to make his way over. The youth was large for his age, a third year, he was taller than Narcissa by a head at least.

She smiled prettily at Rosier, always a bad sign, “Rosier, can you do me a favor? I want you to grab me in as though you were trying to intimidate me.”

The younger boy quirked a brow, “Rough up Malfoy’s little lady? I think not.”

She waved her hand dismissively, “Not really, I’m trying to teach Severus here something,” she smiled again, her head tipping to the side, slightly.

Rosier scrubbed a hand through his short dark hair eyeing the slight girl before him in askance. Then the large boy shrugged and reached out grabbing the short blonde by her arm and shoving her back against the love seat.

He sneered, “Such a weakling little girl. Humph, can’t imagine what Malfoy sees in you, you can’t possibly be woman enough for a prefect.”

Rather than being retaliating the smaller girl pressed closer, resting her small palms on the larger boys chest she leaned close looking up at him through her lashes, “Isn’t that what a girl’s for? Making her man feel big and strong…” she patted his cheek enjoying his stunned expression, “Would you like to find out how much of woman I am?”

Then she turned her back on her helper and quirked a brow at Severus, who was watching her through narrowed eyes, this was a terrifying girl… how in the name of all hells could Lucius trust her?

“Now, what did I do?” Narcissa quizzed.

“You told him what he wanted to hear. You made him feel important. You…” he gestured meaningfully, no eleven year old, no matter how mature wanted to think about those things yet.

“Yes, very good. You have to learn how to read people, and what they want from you. It throws them off balance. That’s what you want,” the girl explained seating herself beside Severus once more, “Now, how SHOULD you have responded earlier?”

Severus thought for a minute, then he let a small concerned frown lay over his usually solemn features, “One day I’ll be big… but I’m not now… now I’m small…” he looked across at the girl, his eyes big as saucers, “Cissy’ll look out for me, won’t she?”

Narcissa looked taken aback, her hand half extended almost as if to comfort him. He saw this and smirked victoriously.

She catching herself folded her arms across her chest and gave him a half-hearted glare, “You’re a quick study.”

Severus pushed his lip out in a half pout, “Is Cissy angry with me?” he inquired in a small voice.

She cuffed him lightly on the side of the head, laughing delightedly. Watching the girl’s mirthful laughter, Severus could understand why she and Lucius were together… they both enjoyed cunning.

* * *

He didn’t try those things on Lily. She wasn’t a Slytherin… she didn’t need to be tricked into liking him. Lily was nice. It was nearly Christmas break, and as nervous as he was to go home, he was looking forward to giving Lily her present.

It wasn’t much, but he hoped she would like it. He’d found a recipe for a luminescent potion. It had taken almost a month to beg, borrow, and steal the ingredients he needed, but Slughorn liked him, so it wasn’t too hard. In honor of her Gryffindor status he’d found a way to make it glow a sort of gold shimmered red. He’d put this in a pretty crystal vial and secured the vial in a locket that could be closed to hide the light.

He’d horribly botched the wrapping job, a few bits of shiny silver paper showed past a lot of spell-o-tape, but not much. It was supposed to be a box, seeing as he’d been wrapping a box, but now it looked sorta round and fist sized. He didn’t dare ask Narcissa for help… he didn’t want anyone to know he’d given Lily Evans jewelry. He didn’t **_like_** her or anything. She was his friend.

But Lily liked pretty things.

* * *

Leaving Hogwarts was harder than he thought it would be. At school, he was safe. At school he had friends who looked out for him… and he could more than look out for himself. At home… at home he was just a scared eleven year old, who couldn’t even do magic.

When he stepped out of the platform and saw his father waiting for him. He almost turned around and ran back. Maybe someone would let him stay at Hogwarts for the holidays. Maybe—

Too late.

His Father had seen him. Hard yellowy hazel eyes bored into his small body, and Severus had no choice but to walk to his side.

“Hello, sir,” he murmured politely keeping his head down.

“Look me in the eye when you speak to me!” the elder Snape barked in a hard voice.

The boy’s head snapped up, “Yes, sir, sorry, sir.”

The elder, pleased with this instantaneous compliance, nodded severely, “Hmph, well, at least this cockamamie school is teaching you to respect your elders.”

A snide retort leapt to his lips, but Severus swallowed in down nodding, in agreement. Looking up into his father’s sneering face, it suddenly occurred to him what the man wanted to hear, “They’ve got to keep good discipline, sir, ‘specially since when kids get into fights it’s not fisticuffs.”

His father was nodding, “Must be quite a job reforming you lot. Haven’t gotten any notifications, have you been behaving yourself?”

“Yes, Sir, I’ve only gotten a detention once… I had to scrub out the whole trophy room with a toothbrush,” Severus lied smoothly, wearing an expression of repentance.

“Ha, that’ll teach you. Not all fun and games like you thought is it?”

“No, sir.”

It’s better Severus thought, so much better. I’m learning to be a real man, not like you. I’m learning to do things a stupid muggle like you couldn’t dream of.

They were down by platform three now. They’d be taking a train back home. Lily had offered to give him a ride, her parents had a car… but no one had responded to the owl Severus had sent asking for permission… and he would stun his father before he ever let the man meet Lily. Severus still hadn’t worked up the nerve to ask about mum. Fear gripped at him, would he have been notified if she were sick? Was that why his owls went unanswered?

They were boarding the train, Severus nearly running to keep pace with his father as he dragged his heavy case behind him, dearly wishing to cast a hovering charm.

The crowds were thick and jostled aside at the small boy trying to push into the train with the others. By the time he’d managed to board and stow his trunk, with the help of a lady who’d taken pity on his struggle with the large, beat-up leather case, his father had vanished in the crowds.  It irked him to need the help, if he weren’t surrounded by all these useless muggles, he wouldn’t have had to struggle like a weakling.

It took him another five minutes to locate his father on the crowded train. When he finally did he seated himself quietly across from his elder, remaining silent.

They sat in unwieldy silence, the elder studying his offspring with more care than he had taken in more than seven years. The lad was taller, more filled out, and had lost the air of sullen rebellion about him. It was the last development which pleased Tobias the most. Before, he could always feel those small, hateful black eyes on him, judging him, threatening him with the boy’s strange evil powers. That sense of threat had evaporated… perhaps they really had managed to beat it out of the devil. He smirked to himself, and his wife had been so sure they’d treat the boy soft. Ha, in five months they’d managed what eleven years of beatings under his iron discipline hadn’t, the boy knew his place. Not a peep, or shifty glare since he’d first appeared in the station.

Severus sensed his father’s brutish satisfaction and mentally smirked. Narcissa was right. He’d have to thank her when the holidays were over.

The questions about his mother, his mum, the only one who was worth going home to this hell hole for, were stayed by the sole fact that his front of respectful submission was working. This was the point of joining Slytherin, if his father liked Hogwarts, liked him, he and mum wouldn’t argue about it. Mum wouldn’t get hurt then.

 


	3. Winter Break 1st Year

Ch 3

“Mum?” Severus hated how his voice shook as he approached the low bed his mother rested on. She was thin, too thin, and her face grey with the fatigue of sitting up.

Looking at her, so small and weak looking beneath tatty, blue covers faded to grey with a hundred washes in harsh soap Severus didn’t even care that his father was in the room.

“Severus,” the woman greeted in a hoarse whisper, her eyes lighting with joy at the sight of her son, “You’re back from school. How is Hogwarts? Is everyone treating you well? Have you made friends?”

Severus swallowed hard against the aching knot in his throat his brow furrowing against the weakling tears that wanted to spring to his eyes at the way her voice shook, “Yes, mum, school’s fine, mum. Did you get my letters? I was sorted into Slytherin. It’s really good.”

“No, I’m afraid I—” she broke into a deep wet cough that sounded terribly painful and Snape’s eyes went wide as saucers in the sudden sharp realization his mother was dying of some stupid muggle illness. He’d seen the infirmary, there were things mediwitches could do, potions and spells that could help his mum.

Eileen Snape’s skeletal, white hand lay over her breast as she struggled to breath, “I haven’t been up and about much at all since you left for school. This terrible cold’s had me under the weather. Did I ever tell you, dear? I was a Slytherin when I was your age. I’m so proud of you. You’ll do so well there.”

“Are you alright, mum?” Severus asked softly, his little hand reaching out and touching his mother’s pale hand lightly. She just looked so frail, like old graying newspaper that would crumble to powder if he were too rough.

“Of course, of course, I’m fine, Severus. It’s just a lingering cold, nothing for you to worry about.” She patted the bed beside herself, “Come, sit with me and tell me everything about school.”

Carefully, the boy sat beside the woman, who seemed smaller than when he had seen her last… as if she lacked substance, “School’s great, mum. All the people are friendly. I met the Malfoy’s son Lucius, and the Black sisters. ”

His mum was nodding and smiling that awful wan smile that looked pained, “I remember their parents, good families,” she said though what she meant was _‘Good wizards, powerful witches… I was like them once.’_

“And school’s great, mum,” Severus was quick to interject eager to keep the bitter sadness from consuming her, “Slughorn, the po…” he became aware of his father’s listening quite suddenly and amended his statement, “the head of my dormitory, has taken a shine to me. I’m only a first year too.”

She nodded, “Horace’s slug club, oh dear, he’s still doing that? I was a part of his club, forever ago it seems.”

A deep guffaw from the door brought the pair of slender, dark look alikes up short, as the eldest Snape sneered at them, “You shouldn’t believe a word the little cretin tells you Eileen. The school you sent him to is downright militant. Look at your boy, barely four months there and he’s practically reformed. Nary a glare or devil trick in sight.”

Severus stared at his mother, begging her to understand as the familiar broken, wounded look crept over her momentarily cheerful features, “Are you lying to me, Severus?” she looked distraught, “Are people at school mean? Are you being picked on?”

“No, mum, no—” he hurried to assure her.

Again his father’s harsh laugh rang out, making Severus cringe, “Of course they are, Eileen. Look at the boy. He’s a scrawny little monkey, standing alone on the platform, not a single child in sight. He’s standoffish, is what he is.” the man smirked cruelly and drove the point home, “He’s just trying to please his mummy, since you look fit to drop dead any minute.”

Severus kept his face turned away from his father, his breath was heaving in his chest, not with sobs, but pure, violent rage. How dare his father speak to him so? How dare he say such things to mum? HOW DARE HE—

Slowly, Severus rose to his feet and turned to face his father, who was too busy watching the emotional havoc he had wreaked on his wife to notice the seemingly innocuous piece of wood that had appeared in his son’s hand.

Mum, however was not so blind, “No Severus!” she shouted suddenly, perceiving the terrifying fury running flowing like cold acid through her son’s small body.

“Sorry, mum,” Severus murmured, not looking back at her, “He deserves it,” the boy hissed with more venom than a child should be able to express.

Tobias Snape stared at the child looking at him with black hateful eyes, pointing a flimsy piece of wood in his direction, “Ha! There! I knew you were still a little devil. What’re you going to do? Poke me with your stick?”

“SEVERUS SNAPE!” his mother snapped in a voice that held more life than her family had heard from her in years, “Give. Me. Your. Wand.” She ordered in a hard voice extending her hand imperiously.

Severus was frozen. He didn’t know what to do. It would be so easy to do it. Stun his father, hell, kill him if he wanted… and oh, he wanted to…

But he had never disobeyed him mum. Not when she sounded like that.

His upraised hand shook.

“Severus!” his mother demanded.

Slowly, the boy turned laying his wand in his mother’s hand.

The woman glared angrily at him, but the boy could see the fear in the lines of her face, more lines than any thirty year old had right to, “You will never use this in my house again. Never! Do you understand me? Underage is bad enough, but against your own father? They’ll expel you for that, Severus. Expelled. Do you hear me? Promise me. Promise me, you will not even think about it. Promise.”

Black eyes too similar too his own cut into him like daggers, and Severus perceived the folly of his actions, “I’m sorry, mum,” he whispered, “I promise.”

Then Eileen Snape turned to her husband and showed her son what a true Slytherin was capable of, “Don’t bother yourself, Tobias. It’s a stupid game the children play. The ‘wand’ shoots colored sparks that blacken the other player’s face. It’s called Exploding Snap. Heaven only knows why the boy brought one of these trinkets home.”

Tobias’s face was dark as a thunder cloud and when he removed his belt, Severus didn’t even bother arguing with the beating. Wordlessly, he went to remove his pants. He struggled not to cringe when his father shook his head. Instead the boy just pulled off his shirt and bent down over the edge of the bed.

He was so stupid.

Thwack

Such a failure.

Crack

How could he be such a fool?

Thump

Only some truly useless ingrate would manage to break his mum’s heart and nearly get himself expelled from the best thing that had happened to him since Lily.

Thwack

Thwack

Thwack

The heavy leather strap fell in rapid succession across his shoulders and ribs. He yelped once when the metal buckle caught the soft skin at the nape of his neck.

Crack

He prayed his father didn’t decide to snap his ‘trinket’. He didn’t know if magic could repair wands. What if they couldn’t afford to get him a new one?

Smack

Thack

Crack

It would serve him right. So stupid!

Thwack

Severus was crying now, trying very hard to keep silent as the heavy blows fell over the burning skin of his back. He didn’t think he was bleeding… though where the buckle kept landing he wasn’t so sure.

* * *

Severus spent most of the rest of winter break, while his father was home, in hiding. It was awful. The fights were worse than ever. His father taunting mum with what Severus had told him about Hogwarts, his mother crying sometimes when the depression was bad enough that she believed it, shouting back when she was feeling strong enough to argue.

And it was All. His. Fault. If he hadn’t been so stupid as to try that on his father. If he hadn’t been so hot headed as to try to attack him.

Worse than the fighting was his mum’s awful cough. It just got deeper and wetter, crackling painfully in her lungs as the days until Christmas marched slowly on. She got progressively weaker, eating next to nothing… it was clear the day he had come home she had been doing particularly well.

How Severus wished he were at Hogwarts. There he could get mum help. He could bring her to the nurse… or…or go to the library and find a spell that would whisk her horrible sickness away at a word, or he could go to Lucius, surely the older boy would know what to do, and if he didn’t he might ask Slughorn for the answer, say it was a private project or some such thing.

 But he wasn’t… he was stuck here, in stupid, muggle Cokeworth. He didn’t have a way to contact anyone to help him…

Severus bolted upright in bed.

Lily

Lily had an owl. Lily had a way to contact help. Lily was currently asleep in her own bed.

Didn’t matter.

Silently, Severus crept from his bed, tiptoeing on light feet down the stairs. The only sounds in the dark house were his mother’s thick, painful coughs. The door was easily enough unlocked. He patted his pocket feeling assured by the presence of his wand. Mum had returned it two days after… his temper tantrum, exacting another promise of good behavior.

Then she’d patted him on the head and said the saddest thing Severus could remember hearing her say, “The worst feeling in the world is for a wizard to be without his wand.”

Then she’d handed over his wand, almost as if she didn’t want to let it leave her possession. Severus couldn’t imagine having to snap his wand to live with dirty, stinking muggles. He was aware suddenly, that his mum’s mental instability and now depression… had probably been brought on by her sudden isolation from magic.

The night was very dark and quite chill, but Severus knew his way about with his eyes closed, and with his wand he wasn’t terribly concerned about the dangers that might have faced a boy of eleven… nearly twelve wandering in this rather unsavory section of town at this time of night.

Despite the assurance of a ready stunner he felt immeasurably better when he entered the nicer part of town where the Evans house was. After what seemed like ages he found her home, with its nice picket fence and dormant garden. On careful feet he crept through their gate praying it wouldn’t be a squeaky one. Luck was with him and he made it all the way to just below her second floor bedroom with little more noise than shifting gravel on the drive. He had a bit of difficulty on a patch of ice near the gutter, but aside from that near disaster, he was relatively sneaky.

A handful of gravel and he was well armed to gain the attention of his friend.

Plink

Missed

Thunk

Closer this time, but still missed.

Clack

Success!

Clack

Clack

Clack

He shifted nervously beneath the window. How deeply did Lily sleep? What if this wasn’t her room? What if he was beneath the wrong window? Panic gripped him when suddenly a small light far above came on, faintly gold red, and he smiled with relief as the window opened a crack.

“Severus?!” was whispered incredulously through the window, which upon his wave was quickly shoved fully open, “Sev, what are you doing here? It’s cold out! Are you even in a coat?”

He shrugged, “Not important, Lils, can I use your owl? I need to send a letter. ”

“Sev, it’s the middle of the night. Who could you possibly need to contact? Can’t it wait till morning? We’ll get in trouble if my parents wake up,” the girl whispered.

“Sorry, Lil, it’s really important, mum’s sick. I need to contact…” the boy trailed off, he had not thought this far ahead.

Realistically, he couldn’t contact Lucius. Yes they were friends… of a sort, but to show the wealthy and pureblooded Malfoy his home would be to kiss his chances at further association with the boy goodbye. So Slughorn… but the teacher wasn’t exactly the type to instill trust in his healing abilities… he was too… capricious. That left… the headmaster.  Was he desperate enough? Hell he’d just walked a mile in the dark with temperatures just a hair shy of frostbitten toes, he’d contact whomever he had to contact.

“Can’t you, you know… call the hospital?”

“Mum won’t go, and she’s already so bad… I don’t think muggle stuff would work. Please Lil? It’ll only take a minute.”

Sensing his desperation Lily acquiesced, “Alright, Sev, if it’s that bad. Just try to keep quiet, please.”

She then ducked back inside and Severus began studying the problem of entering her window. Toeing off his shoes he ignored the chill that crept up from the ground into his feet. He hopped with little enough noise up onto the sill of a first story window. This put him in reach of one of those flag holder things jutting from the side of the house. Gripping the icy metal with numb fingers he scrabbled sock clad feet up the clean cream brick of her home until one foot was wedged on the small flag hook his arms braced wide against the chilly brickwork.

“Lils?” he trembled hard against the wall, his perch precarious.

“Hold on, Sev, I’ll drop you a sheet in a sec—”

Severus waited tensely hardly daring to breathe for fear of tumbling down and waking the household. He gasped audibly in relief with the warm fabric tumbled out of the window falling straight down over his head.

“Thanks, Lil,”

She snorted, watching him clamber up her makeshift rope, “It’s a good thing you’re light, else you’d drag my bed clear across the room. As it is it was scooting closer to the window,” Immediately upon entering her room he had a blanket shoved into his arms, “You wrap up. You look frozen. I can hear your teeth chattering.”

Obediently, he wrapped her blankets around his shoulders glancing about her room as she hunted up parchment and a quill, placing these on her desk. Opening the locket he had given her she grinned at him and set it on beside the parchment as a light source.

“Who knew we’d need it so soon,” she joked hovering uncertainly between him and the door.

Severus grinned briefly at her before he slid into the seat and set about his letter.

…

Headmaster Albus Dumbledore,

 ~~My mum~~ I am currently faced with a pressing problem. My Mother, Eileen Snape, previously Prince. Has fallen ill with a wet, lingering cough for over three months now, and has grown very thin. She is grey in the face and barely eats or sleeps- the coughing keeps her up. I had not been aware how grave the situation had become until I returned home for the holidays.

I humbly request some form of help for my mother, as her illness seems to have advanced well beyond muggle means of healing. I can only hope you know of some way she can be helped magically, and would be greatly indebted to you if you would come to our aid.

I know that you are probably not the most fitting person to contact, but as I can think of no one else, and the issue has become quite life threatening, I can’t convey the severity of the illness well enough, sir, I have no other choice but to hope you will at the least be able to direct me to the correct authorities.

Sincerely,

Severus Snape

…

Just as he put the finishing touches on his letter both he and Lily heard the sigh of footsteps on wood on the stairs.

 


End file.
